We finally pulled into a rest stop just inside the Massachusetts border, and I galloped to the men’s room. The bank of urinals was as crowded as the turnpike itself; just one free in the long expanse of porcelain.
I whipped it out between an older man on my left and a 20-something on my right. The geezer had a pretty damn impressive cock, so I gave him a pat on the back with my free hand. “Yo, old buddy that is one DAMN impressive garden hose!”
He was just finishing up, so waved his pecker free of the last drops and nodded. “Thanks man,” he said. “Not a bad unit you got there yourself.”
The young guy on my right nodded. “Your wife must be pretty pleased.”
I don’t have a wife, but I nodded anyway and checked his dick out. Pretty small, but nicely formed. “That’s a work of art you’ve got there.” I told him. “One sexy trouser snake.”
The pisser on the other side nodded. “Damn straight,” he added, “and that sucker has girth. That’s they key you know. Longitude don’t matter so much as the width.” He adjusted his John Deere cap, then attended to matters in hand.
It appeared as though the guy next to him was saying positive things as they both peered downwards. Nodding, smiling, having a great time. The whole men’s room was jubilant, guys grinning ear to ear. Someone let a loud fart rip in the stalls, and the lavatory erupted in cheers.
I remembered this same rest area about ten years ago, when things weren’t quite like so relaxed. Men came in meekly and stared at their reflections in top of the urinal, or eyeballed the white walls. I clearly remember gazing at some “Just Say No to Drugs” lettering at the bottom of the pisser before the turn of the century.
Now in the place of that long-outdated slogan it simply says: “Penis Pride!”
On the white-tiled wall, alternating with notices imploring employees to wash hands, are signs proclaiming: “Praise the Pecker!”
I washed up after reassuring a kid stationed at the last urinal. “It’ll grow kiddo, don’t worry!” He grinned ear to ear with the ease of youth.
Back in the bright sunlight and headed for the car, I realized I was humming “America the Beautiful” under my breath. Only natural (as pissing and shitting), I suppose. This country has come a long way–left a lot of hang-ups behind–and I’m proud to be a part of it!