Book of Matthew
Chapter 4
4:1 Then was Jesus led up of the spirit into the wilderness to be tempted of the devil. After Stone Cold Steve Austin won the WWF Championship, Vince McMahon brought him into the center of the ring for an interview.
4:2 And when he had fasted forty days and forty nights, he was afterward an hungred. “Stone Cold, we can do this the Easy Way, or the Hard Way.”
4:3 And when the tempter came to him, he said, If thou be the Son of God, command that these stones be made bread. “Austin, you are the new WWF champion. I am going to make you an offer. You can tone down your ‘bad-ass’ self. You can stop swilling beer and cursing all the time.”
4:4 But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God. Stone Cold Steve Austin just stood there looking at Vince McMahon.
4:5-6 Then the devil taketh him up into the holy city, and setteth him on a pinnacle of the temple, and saith unto him, If thou be the Son of God, cast thyself down: for it is written, He shall give his angels charge concerning thee: and in their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone. “Stone Cold, the crowd loves you. I want us to get along. All you have to do is just stop acting so much like a redneck.”
4:7 Jesus said unto him, It is written again, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God. Stone Cold just stood there looking at Vince McMahon.
4:8 Again, the devil taketh him up into an exceeding high mountain, and sheweth him all the kingdoms of the world, and the glory of them; “Stone Cold, if you do these things, we will get along just fine. I will leave you alone and you can be the WWF champion in peace.”
4:9 And saith unto him, All these things will I give thee, if thou wilt fall down and worship me. “Again, Austin, we can do this the Easy Way, or the Hard Way.”
4:10 Then saith Jesus unto him, Get thee hence, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve. Stone Cold Steve Austin punched Vince McMahon in the crotch and Vince fell down upon his side. Stone Cold stood over the writing, agonized body of Vince McMahon and said, “Let’s do it the Hard Way, you stupid son of a bitch.”