What’s the deal with Dr. Pepper and Mr. Pibb? How can they even compete with each other? I mean, Mr. Pibb, obviously just a man, leaves to the imagination his education. Dr. Pepper, on the other hand, is open and upfront about his qualifications. But does he just have a PhD, or is he an MD? What can he diagnose? “The results are back from the lab. You’re a Pepper.” Can he diagnose Mr. Pibb as being a Pepper, and if he did, wouldn’t that put them both on equal ground; wouldn’t Dr. Pepper want to maintain his postion over Mr. Pibb, assuming he had one? Perhaps it is the mystery that surrounds Mr. Pibb that keeps people interested. Mr. Pibb is just a regular guy, he can relate to you and me and Billy Joe Bob. Dr. Pepper has a reputation to protect. Mr. Pibb is more anonymous, more everyman. They’ll both attend the opera, but only Mr. Pibb would goto a monster truck show: I’m sure Dr. Pepper wouldn’t be caught dead at one. Is Dr. Pepper on call? Has Dr. Pepper ever been sued for malpractice? These are problems you won’t have with Mr. Pibb.
What’s with all the formality? Are “Doctor” and “Mister” the only allowed designations? What about a name that strikes militaristic fear into its drinkers, like “General”, “Admiral”, or “Sarge”? I suspose there could be a “President” if President’s Choice ever came out with their own competing flavor. Why is Mr. Pibb so formal about the whole thing. Does this guy have a first name? How many years do you have to drink Mr. Pibb before you can get on a first name basis with him? At least we know what Mr. Pibb’s gender is. Dr. Pepper could be a woman. Would you want a woman telling you to turn your head and cough? Where’s Mrs. Pibb?